Sex toys are a massive industry these days, and are celebrated as a way to aid masturbation by increasing stimulation, allowing users to quickly and effortlessly reach orgasm again and again. But when it comes to sex with a partner they are often forgotten entirely. It seems strange that something designed to help increase sexual stimulation would be left out of perhaps the most important moments in our lives to be sexually stimulated. The media teaches us that penetrative sex is the only thing we should need during intercourse. However, studies show that 70% of women need some form of clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, so while that intimate penetration-only love-making on your favourite TV show may look good, it isn’t very realistic. Instead, it has been found that couples who include sex toys in the bedroom report higher levels of sexual satisfaction.
A study by the University of Indiana recently found that sex toys are being incorporated into the bedroom by couples more and more. From those they surveyed, they reported that 53% of women and nearly 50% of men had used a vibrator during sex. This makes sense when you consider all the benefits that including them in the bedroom can bring.
While the aim of sex should simply be pleasure, we are often taught by society that it is instead the orgasm that matters. But this ideal isn’t always an easy thing to achieve, and it can quickly turn sex into a stressful experience, which in turn only makes this elusive climax even harder to reach. Focusing on this ‘goal’ during intercourse also leaves us distracted, making us unable to actively participate, or properly experience the pleasure and intimacy that sex should bring. But by instead bringing in a vibrator to help you, you are relieving yourself of this pressure, and giving yourself the freedom to get back to what’s important. This is particularly true for women, as studies have found their arousal can sometimes be slower than men’s. However, that’s not to say that sex toys are only for them, as the vibrations can feel fantastic against the end of a penis, scrotum, or perineum. In addition, vibrators can also be very helpful for men who struggle with delayed ejaculation or other issues.
So with all this in mind, why do so many of us still struggle to include sex toys in our bedrooms? Well, one of the biggest reasons often seems to stem from the fact that many of us simply don’t know how to approach the subject with our partners. After all, talking about our sexual desires can be a nerve-racking and vulnerable thing. So today I want to share my personal techniques for introducing sex toys to the bedroom, plus some important things to keep in mind, which should make the experience far easier and more likely to be successful.
They are probably more into it than you think.
While the expectation is often that sex toys are only for women, research has shown that men are actually more open to the idea of including them in the bedroom than society would like to think. In a study by the University of Guelph, Ontario, a group of men in heterosexual relationships were asked their thoughts on using vibrators with their partners. Despite popular belief, most men were not intimidated by this, but were instead enthusiastic about the idea. So have a little more faith in your partner when asking, who knows, they might be thinking the exact same thing!
Communicate your desires in a positive way and use the media to help.
If you have an open discourse about sex in your relationship, then approaching the topic of sex toys shouldn’t be too much of a stretch. When doing so, ensure you express your desires in a positive manner, and offer reassurance to your partner so they don’t feel like they have done something wrong. However, if talking about sex is something that makes your heart-flutter and palms sweaty, there are easier ways to approach the subject that are far less nerve-racking. My personal favourite is using the media to help me, whether it is a TV show, movie, book, or just an online article that I’ve read. Find something that includes the use of a sex toy between a couple, and then share it with your partner, either by watching it together during your next movie night or sending them the link over Facebook. This way you can casually bring up the topic, by saying things such as “This looks interesting. Maybe we should try it out?”. You can also use this method to gauge their reaction of the subject prior to even connecting it to your own desires, by asking something such as “What did you think of that?”. This way you’ll either be able to painlessly discover that they are not into it, or it’ll be an easy way to start the conversation if they react positively.
If unconvinced, find ways to ease them into the idea.
If you end up approaching your partner about it and they aren’t into it after all, then don’t let that stop you from finding other ways to spice things up. There are many sexy board games out there that you can buy, which present a casual and pressure-free way to explore each others desires. It’ll give you the opportunity to try new foreplay techniques or positions that you may have never considered before, and may even help you realise hidden fetishes. Alternatively, if your budget is tight, then there are heaps of 30 Day Sex Challenges for free online that you can suggest to your partner instead. Then, after reconnecting sexually and proving to them how positive trying new things can be, you can try bringing up the topic of sex toys once more.
Choose toys that won’t take away from your partner.
The toys we see in the media are often extremely intimidating looking, representing real-life body parts as if they are about to up and replace us. But the truth is most sex toys these days do not look like that. When purchasing a toy to use alongside your partner, ensure you buy something that will perform in a way that your partner cannot. For example, if your partner has a penis, they will likely feel negatively about including a realistic penis dildo during sex. But if you choose a vibrator or heated toy, such as the range here at ROSE RAIN, then you are only adding to your sex life rather than taking away or replacing something, because these are actions your partner cannot perform.
Introducing sex toys to the bedroom can be a scary thing, but once done the benefits far outweigh whatever worries you may have faced. So good luck and happy orgasms!
Sex Blogger & Adult Product Reviewer